It seems like every day I do something embarrassing and stupid or have an emotional breakdown I'm supposed to reinvent myself and decide upon a self-improvement project.Last week it was purely appearance to help jog my innards to remember what they could be. This week it is to become an artist. I made several sketches today already. I'm on my way, aren't I? The next time I get upset about something, cry, call my mom, drunk dial, I'll probably start working on that novel or collection of short stories I've been meaning to do.
Still, these are ways to deal with a roller coaster couple of months. And they're good goals, mostly, but the problem is they only get half done because I'm either a) over it or b) onto my next crisis and setting my next goal.
Today I walked to work and walked back. I walked back over St. Anthony Falls on the Hennepin bridge around 5pm and I imagined I was walking over the Thames on the Waterloo. I looked around for Parliament, and instead I found a building that looked vaguely European. It was enough for me.
I was reading back through my study abroad blog, and as boring and incompetent as I felt there, I did have a few worthwhile thoughts. One of them was about bridges - and how walking over bridges made me feel so content, every time, and a different kind of content, according to the day, time, and feeling. Today I listened to the same album on the way to and from work, one at 8am, one at 5pm, and it told me very different things.
I guess the end goal of these things is to stop having these personal crises and just fulfill all these things as a normal human being, but I feel I've been pretty functional for the last three years so it's about time for some crap, isn't it?
(A Jennifer Davis art work was in order for today.)
